begin again,...

Feb. 10, 2013

I have been told on many occasions to start a blog. Today is that day!

I am over whelmed at the moment on what my first blog should be about,. so I guess I will begin with ME!

I have had a great life, with any and all expectations fulfilled. I have always felt accomplished, successful, strong , powerful, knowledgable, confidant, excellant health, superior physical shape, incredable endurance, unbelievably stubborn, and never really had enough sense to be afraid, do NOW, pay later, and I am grateful to the experiances.

I always felt proud of the fact, that I would simply do the right thing, whether friend or foe,. if there was a need, a sense of compassion would allow me the strength to , simply do the right thing.

I had my own home,. my own office,. no need for credit cards,. and I could provide. My son became his own man, and graduated with dual enrollment. I had no bills,. I was not in debt. I always had enough. I had a wonderful man in my life, who was brillant and kind, sigma phi epsilon graduate and a total polar opposite. He was in the medical field and I was in the alternative field of massage. He was special forces airborne. I wear birkenstocks and have tye dyed peace sign fabic, that I use as drapes. He is steak and potaotes and gravy. I am organic veggies and sea weed soup with tofu. We were so in love,. and everyone knew it.

I was a personal trainer, and considered one of the best. I also owned an art business, specializing in the dying art forms like quilling (paper art) and blown glass and lampwork (glass beads and figurines).

Then there was my practice. My hodge podge pokie dotted practice, with black and white, red white and blue, ditch diggers, business men, bankers, bikers, doctors, grannie smiths. Young and old and ancient. Buddist, Hindu, Catholic, Southern Fundementals and Atheists.

I have an office, but many times I arrived at their homes, during their crisis, to lend a helping hand, an ear, a hug. I never failed them, never gave up, never flinched. I never took more than was owed, and never kept score. I have little family beyond my son, and my clients became an extension of my heart.

I slept very well at night.

That was 4 years ago

What I just described to you,. feels like a lie. I am no longer this person. I am fatigued, and physically weak. forgetful and disoriented. I have more bad days then good. I stuggle to finish sentences, and fight to speak the words I want to be heard. I miss dealines and deposits, birthdays. I am so frustrated at the 20, 30 maybe even 50 lbs I may have gained. I am in pain. I have felt lost and abandoned, angry and depressed, and on a few occasions demoralized by the outside world. This sickness that invaded my body took its toll, and not just on my body, but my faith, ideology, finances, my health care insurance, IRA, savings possesions and relationships. They are all disturbed, destoyed, or simply gone. The last 20 years of my life are nothing more then a whisper.

I have decided to begin again. I have no college degrees to help me along anymore. This will  be the first time I will be re-creating myself, life, from scratch, at 46.

The common denomentator in all the healing of my body, of my leaps and bounds, and including my set backs in the past year , has been my food supply. I have healed myself, several times , only to make myself sick, by my food choices.

So here is my plan, as part of this blog.

I will share all that I know.

I know, with certainty, everyone can heal themselves, with proper nutrition, or at the very least, inprove upon their situation. I will not lie to you and tell you anything I haven't experianced, or that I can not validate the research. I  will invite you to respond and to share, and get angry, and smile and laugh. I will invite you to breath,. and try again,just like I am doing.

I invite you to become another extention of my heart,..and begin again.

If you have reached this blog,. you dont have a choice but to begin again, you are trying to begin again, and I will never give up!

So Lets Begin,......