My worst moment!

May. 14, 2013

So,two weeks ago, I awoke and went into the kitchen to retrieve my coffee. My organic coffee. This is my norm. I have done this everyday without a miss. I haven't changed anything,consumed anything,. or experienced anything that would 'set off" my system. I have been mostly paleo, and I don't cheat , because I enjoy this way of eating. I grow my own, harvest my own,create my own. I haven't worried to much about weight loss,.I worry more about absorption, and reversing everything I have been through in the last five years. I worry about toxic chemicals in my food, and the hidden GMO's. I measure my success, not by my physicians opinion,. but by the health of my hair, skin, nails. My naturally curly hair straightened during my illness, and began to "re-curl" 10 days after treatment. My nails, finger tips and toes, thickened, became ridged, and began to embed into my skin. The pain was constant and unbearable. I didn't wear shoes for 4 years, even in winter. My skin became ruddy, with constant acne. My hands and feet turned slightly purple, and the skinned peeled off every other day or so,. much like a glove. My heels thickened as did my large toes, callouses that would split and bleed. everything I touched, held or walked on , caused me pain on some level.

I have healed at the speed of light, thanks to science and medicine. 10 days of antibiotics, and I was on the road to recovery. Then began the spiral. The out of control, no hope, what is happening,  spiral. I literally pulled myself out of this spiral , when I discovered,. or should I say rediscovered paleo, through Dr Terry Wahls. Her video was life changing,. and I didn't waste time, giving myself time to change my ways. I did it in three days. I never recommend this to anyone. There was something that kept going through my mind that said "this is your last chance!" so for the last year, I have remained strict, and again,. its easy for me, and I am often shocked by what people don't know. Maybe I know to much,or not enough. maybe I am boring, maybe I will only help one person, maybe I will only help myself. I am OK with it, either way. 

Four weeks ago, I noticed a change. I don't know how I missed it, I don even know why I never made the simple connection. Maybe it was because, I have been told I was cured. For an infection that lasts 7 days,. I had it for 3 years. For an infection that can give a false negative, I have been assured, my last test was negative. I have also been so healed by keeping my food real. Following Dr Terry Wahls protocol, following a paleo lifestyle and growing my own food, has been my recovery. Study and researching the human anatomy, , cellular growth, and ATP (your body's fuel) have made my choices clear.

Now two weeks ago. I am sick. More so then when I was in the Mayo Clinic, probably due to not being able to handle an obviously, unstable ground. I was down nearly three days.

Here I sit,. again,. 4 days after finishing up a 14 day cycle of antibiotic, and I hurt, I ache, I cant sleep, and my muscle are weaker then they ever have been. I am devastated, feeling like I am starting all over again.

I will continue my protocol , I will stand back up again, I will continue to grow my own food, and raise my own grass fed free range anything and everything,.I will keep moving forward,. I still have a plan, I will never give up,. even though I want to. I will never EVER give up!

I have helped others,. and I have helped myself,. so this hasn't been for nothing,like it feels.

Why do I tell you? any of you?

I cant be the only one to slip, to fall, to have to muster the strength to stand back up again. and again,. and again. I feel so alone at times. I try not to complain. My best friend/boyfriend does what he can,. when I let him. when I tell him. My silence frustrates him. never the less, he has been my foundation in a time when I have had nothing to stand on.

I may have slipped,. I may have even fallen,. but I will never give up. EVER!