Heal Thy Self
I have been trying recently to write a blog about where I am today. I have deleted 3 blogs so far.
Back in October, I had another "crisis" with my bowel. The gut pain, ...again,..as I have explained many times to professionals,.feels like I have eaten broken glass. I was devastated by this most recent attack, and although I never came close to wanting to end my life,. I was very much on the cliff of trying to "NOT LIVE MY LIFE THIS WAY!!!" !!!!
I also learned,. and not very quickly , that I could not trust my emotions or reactions to things. I had become thinned skinned. I also had become nearly home bound. I never leave the house,. unless it is to work,.and even then, that takes alot of deep breathing.
I am a tough gal,.and not just tough,. but daring and unafraid. Nothing makes me flinch. There is nothing I cant do,..this is not over zealous confidance, just mearly a willingness to try, and accepting of success or failure.
Now, I struggle to get to the mail box,.I struggle to pay my bills,. I struggle to greet friends when I see them at a store, I just plain struggle, and the anxiety is crippling!
I also have a definative loathing for people like me,..not me then, ..me now. Sounds hurt, touch hurts, Please dont come visit,.it could take me days to recover from being startled.
So during my struggle in october,. I notice an article on MARKS DAILY APPLE, about probiotics. I also struggle with taking ANYTHING made in a lab., so this article was perfect for me.
It was about making your own probiotics,. I never knew. I thought they came from the drug store,.Geez,...Im smarter than this. I do so much reasearch,. how did I over look this.
so I did more research,.and there is was,.natural forming gut bacteria,.feeding yourself the wrong way,.over load,.kill off,..on and on and on. processed foods,.sugars, processed meats,.made my head spin. I knew this stuff!!
nearly 2 years ago, I went full paleo,.and psyco paleo,.I am the jerk raising her own food, lamb and cattle. Now everyone suffered in my increasingly smaller and smaller circle,.however,. they also lost weight,. I didnt,. I wasnt as swollen,.I didnt hurt as bad,. but still I was hanging on to my "sickness" weight, which was nearly 30 lbs.
so back to the article. Fermented foods,.saucerkraut, lacto-fermented green beans, sweet potato, beets, you name it,.just Google!
Then it happened. Now,. call my bestfriend boyfriend anything you want,.pro medicine, proscience pro military,. pro anything else the opposite of me, he towed the line.
Not just any line,. but my life line. He elimnated sugar, processed foods, and sweets, (he is a junk food junkie) and then,.came,...the fermentation experiment!!
I started collecting every glass jar I could find,. I started buying whole jars of store bought pickles and dumping the pickles in the trash. and I chopped and sliced and steamed,. and salted,.I WAITED THE 14 DAYS AND EVERYONE IN THE HOUSE HAD TO EAT,...the saucerkraut.
,....then nothing,..nothing happened,.I didnt feel any better,.( I always look for the divine lighted miracle) all middle fingers up, as I ran to my bedroom and cried. I still ate the kraut,.but hung my head,.it was a failure and I was doomed to live my life, never being able to be out of pain,.never being able to walk a straight line,.never being able to hold a paint brush,.another failure. My best friend boyfriend said, "well it still tastes good, honey"
The day came and went without notice. See now,. how I defeat myself. I didnt notice!! Suddenly I was close to normal. I was carrying my own weight, I didnt need as much help. I was better. Now I say it was subtle, but my best friend boyfriend, says "it was like night and day" . We noticed in unison, (which is my favorite part of our relationship) as he drove me through a long winding country road, that we usually dont drive, cause I stress so badly with my dizzies and constant fight to maintain a sense of normalcy, that usually results in me crying so hystricaly, he usually has to pull over.
This time it didnt happen, for the first time in 3 years,..nothing. I didnt pitch ,sweat, tremble in fear, roll or cry,. I just enjoyed the ride,. that sweet moment of being "normal"
It was simple,. no dizzies,. and no crying everytime he drove me somewhere, does it still happen>> yes, . does it still happen everyday,.all the time,. making life so difficult!??
There has been other benefits too. Primary,. my gut feels normal. I know this sounds like a who cares,. but when you have an infection that mimics cholera, ,..its a big deal. The twitching in my face disappeared, my skin on my hands and feet have begun to heal. (They were always blistered for no reason and would crack, very painful) My balance has been regained, my memory is improving, my naturally curly hair is returning,..the list is endless!
bottom line is,. everyone benefits from lactofermented foods. We all need to heal. EVEN my best friend boyfriend, who lives for his next donut,. has taken notice, and changed his life to making better and healthier decisions.
So I havent had a muffin in 2 years, and my House smells really REALLY bad,.and all of the glass jars have something fermenting in them, and I will more than likely have to repaint the house,. but I can do that.
My boyfriend has lost 24 pounds, me not so much,. but I am not suffering so much any more, I can walk a straight line, my speech isnt slurred, my vision isnt blurred, and I dont feel,. for the first time in a very long time, that I need to "survive" ,. I feel like I am living again.
Go to "marks Daily Apple" or NPR.org . do your own research,.but so far, I havent found anything that adding feremented foods wouldnt help. It can't hurt,. right??